Oh Holidays! So much magic and wonder. So many wonderful memories. Precious moments to cherish. The joyfulness spreads like wildfire and we see it ignite across the faces of our children. The specials colors and decorations bring each holiday to life. And it does not stop there…the songs, the traditions, the costumes, and the food.

It is easy to get caught up in the magic as we move from one holiday to the next. Filling our schedules with egg hunts, trick-or-treating, cookie baking, valentine crafting, family barbequing, turkey stuffing, and so much more.  And before we know it each holiday becomes more of a holy-daze.

Holidays are a full on sensory experience. And the experience is wonderful.  

But, as I stop to recount all of the chaos I feel at holiday time, I am reminded that I live with a little person on the Autism Spectrum. And as overwhelming and chaotic as the holidays are for me, I cannot begin to imagine what all of this must look and feel like to someone with a sensory processing disorder.

I am a fully-functioning adult with typical sensory reactions. And most days it is all I can do to keep my cool amongst never-ending crowds. I find myself distracted by sounds and decorations and music and the bright colors all around me. I fight the urge to retreat from the chaos.

The colors are brighter, the sounds are louder, and the crowds are bigger. There are people in costumes ringing bells. Stores are flooded with huge crowds of people with varying degrees of manners and patience. Everything around us comes to life during the holidays. It is equal part exhilarating and overwhelming.

Most holidays are a lot for me. I think most holidays are probably a lot for most people. And, if that is the case, I can only imagine what holidays must feel like for my young son.

So, how do we navigate holidays and autism? The answer is quite simple, we do it carefully and with intention. We make conscious decisions each day to consider our son’s diagnosis. Celebrating an autism-friendly holiday does not mean removing all of the magic and joy, it just means turning it down a little bit.

We prepare. We talk to him and use social stories and movies to describe the holidays. We help to set appropriate expectations. We encourage his involvement in the holiday preparations.  We make little changes to our typical “traditions” to adapt each holiday for his needs. At Christmas time we replace our beautiful glass ornaments with shatter-proof bulbs. At Halloween we choose a costume that does not have a mask. On Valentine’s Day we practice look each other in the eyes and delivering our valentines. We bring the holidays into our home in a way that works for all of the people who live there.

We accommodate: Our schedules are turned upside down a little during the holidays. At school they loosen the structure of the day to make time for holiday songs and festive arts and crafts. At home we are scheduled for more dinners and outings and family activities than usual. The business of it all is overwhelming. When we schedule for our family we ask ourselves one simple question “Is the best thing for us?” And, sometimes the answer is no. Sometimes even when the activity sounds fun we have to say no. Sometimes even when we have previously said yes we need to change our answer and say no. Not because we are a bunch of holiday scrooges, but because there will always be another holiday party or festive show or family get together. We live our life one moment at a time. And, in each moment we make decisions that are the best for us.

And when we say yes we do more preparing. We bring our emergency bag of tricks. We control the volume and lights and crowds as much as we can. We deliberately arrive early when the crowds are small to give him time to adjust. And most importantly, we recognize the early cues to pack it up and head out.

We celebrate: The holidays would be easier from the comfort of my couch watching holiday themed shows on television and enjoying holiday inspired treats. But there is just too much magic out in the world waiting for us. So we prepare and accommodate for holidays in the real world so that we can celebrate with our children. We do not want to forgo traditional holiday experiences just because it would be easier. That is not fair to us, and it is not fair to our children. So we celebrate. We celebrate each holiday in a way that balances the magic with our needs.

We hope: We are hopeful every single day that the world outside of our home will become more sensory friendly. We are encouraged by all of the stores, restaurants, and venues that are now hosting autism-friendly campaigns. We appreciate all of the little ways that the world is learning to adapt for my son, and for all children with special needs.  

In the end, it is all about balance. It is savoring the magic. It is awareness of the needs of our children. It is surrounded ourselves with family and loved ones. It is finding the joy in simple things. It is worrying about presence first, and presents second.

Balance. Magic. Awareness. Family. Presence.

Because after all, that is what holidays are all about.